Archive for the ‘seriously...’ Category
I’ll be back
Wednesday, May 16th, 2007weather’s too hot? Cool yourself off.
Wednesday, May 16th, 2007
So the recent heatwave has caught up on you?The crazy rain/sunshine/rain/sunshine has made you sick?
This is the environmental effects they warned us about 10 years ago taking effect now. Like you, I can’t live without my TV set, my air-conditioning, my million-and-one-gadgets-that-I-absolutely-need. But this is very real. Seriously real. And it’s happening within our lifetime.
So switch off the lights at night. Read a book next to a lamp instead of letting your widescreen tv drone on. Go play real tennis instead of playing tennis on your Wii. Walk instead of taking a cab. Switch off all your lights at night. Do you really need to leave your PC on the whole night? Even bit counts. You don’t have to go so extreme, not now, though it’ll be good.
Do something everyday - recycle your unwanted goods/buy 2nd hand stuff if you can (thus eliminating waste) or use a tote for grocery shopping or make your own notebook from scrap-paper (fun to do with kids!).
Me? I’ve stopped using the air-conditioning, stopped leaving the TV on while I sleep, switched off the main power of the TV/DVD section when I’m out, rollerblade and going for a stroll at night (for at least half an hour) instead of playing games on my laptop. I use my bathwater to rinse my bathroom and the laundry water to clean the pantry where my cats’ litters are. I can’t quit my CSI addiction, but at least I’ll minimize the TV usage to when I am actually using it. And when I move, I’ll try to get the most efficient refrigerator.
Every little bit helps. What’s yours?
Protected: tears
Wednesday, May 16th, 2007Stop killing each other
Monday, May 14th, 2007I’ve just realized that Mother’s Day must be a really depressing day for people with no mom.
Coupled with the fighting still not really over, and war still all over in the world… From me to you (taken from Zeus)…
Here’s a big hug from me to all of you who are unluckier than the rest of us.
you got to respect people
Wednesday, May 9th, 2007A neighbour of mine was screaming at her maid yesterday, because the maid did something quite stupid. She “ran out of hands” carrying the stuff and didn’t know how to open the door for the “mam” who wanted to get the baby out of the back seat. The words seem harmless if you’re ribbing a very close friend, like what I have with my friends, but I’m sure that was not what she meant, and the tone was way too harsh.
You stupid is it? Left your brain in Indonesia is it?
All the way the maid was grinning sheepishly, and if the woman had a free hand I am sure that she would have started poking the maid’s forehead. Then the woman turned to the infant in her arms and started cooing.
I am very thankful my parents taught me better by example when we had maids (they are people, not commodities or things that we use to get by - being a maid is her occupation, not her identity). I have very little respect for people who treat their maids less than that.
People like that, she can be the CEO of Microsoft for all I care, and I will still have very little respect for her.
You got to treat people like people, no matter their occupation, race, colour, ethnicity, nationality, age, gender, etc. You got to treat people like people.
you can’t photoshop a personality - ds
love
Monday, May 7th, 2007Was just talking to an ex-colleague over MSN today, and somehow Love and Marriage and Weddings came up. I’m old school and idealistic when it comes to love. I don’t care how you view it, but I always feel that the bible held the definition of love. All those other feelings of jealousy, control (BGR control is not love, curfews are another thing!), etc, those don’t come from love: it comes from us and because it’s occurs with the ones we love, we tag it to love. Love comes in many forms - parental, BGR, friendship…
It’s not impossible, but it’s not that easy. Even if we fail, we should strive towards it.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…
Protected: if that’s what you want, I’ll go away
Wednesday, May 2nd, 2007decision
Wednesday, April 25th, 2007He called me yesterday, asking about the flat. “I’ll help you manage the payments, you know. This is what you want, isn’t it?”
I do have my dream within my fingertips, only if that’s the way I want it. I can give my work all up now, and get a better paying one through connections, etc, but I know I want to prove that I am a credible and worthy worker. I can also go over to my ex-boss, where I’ll enjoy the job and get a good pay, but this means giving up time. Of course, giving up time now is better than next year, where I have to complete my last 5 mods.
He has been persistent about it, calling about it every couple of days. That’s his way of helping me, he says. I know he would really help me manage the payments. It’s not a donation, but an interest-free loan. He owes me this much, he says. Truth is, have I asked him to pay me back all the money I’ve coughed out aiding him, I would have afforded it. But it was never meant to be a loan, so why do I want it back? When I passed it to him, I meant it. She told me that day, “it’s really a lot of money. Why not just get a flat and get him to pay until you can afford your own payments?”
I’m really tempted. My own place, a small 3-rm flat, a little corner of my own in the world. But I shan’t. Not now. I’ll do it the way I’ve planned it to be. Struggling, surviving.
If he asks me again, I don’t know if I’ll cave in or not, though.
look, you’re bleeding
Friday, April 13th, 2007For some reason, everytime I hear that familiar melody coming from his blog I am comforted. Perhaps knowing that his words always bring an understanding to me, my mind calms down. And when I’m calm… I think clearly. God speaks to me (I hope) and I manage to listen (I hope) a bit better. And when He speaks… it’s beautiful.
I do not need to prove anything. I do not need to disprove anything.
A friend asked me this morning if I had gone through a certain situation where one seems to be discriminated by another friend. I could feel her pain, but I also understood the other’s hesitation and irritation. I felt her pain - not just because I empathise, but because I have had lived through it before. Sometimes I wait. I wait for shite to come on me again, probably consequence of something I’ve done and not known. I am stupid that way. I really can’t help it. It’s like the girl that falls in love with only assholes and every minute is a replay from the previous.
The latter’s blunt knife fell on me just now, out of a simple point that I made innocently. Another friend who had “out of the blue” kenna this before had asked me if she accidentally invited it and I felt that it was a matter of opinion. Words had been used to insinuate the lack of the latter said friend but I shrugged it off. Hurt as it may, it is the internet and the internet is public. We all write blogs that are public. We cannot expect others to stop writing about us if we want the freedom to write about others too. I was mad when I read her blog, not so much as it was targetted, but more of being misunderstood. You would think that I’ve been used to being misunderstood already… but everytime it does hurt - because it comes from someone that you might hope is a friend. The latter said friend had mentioned that the offending party (to her) had once spoken meanly of me, but I don’t really care - just as long it does not impact me directly. People gossip. I’m alright with that.
But it did hurt this time. I grew angry. I started fashioning long angry retorts in my mind, wanting to push her back down, to ask her to eat her own semi self-righteous words… only that it’ll fuel more and I don’t want to deal with it.
Actually everyone talks. Even well-intentioned friends have said things that seriously hurt before. Some have mentioned stuff to others (or to me about others) that do not reflect well… but everyone rants, isn’t that? I even rant to my best friend about other friends. But rants are harmless, generally, isn’t it? So what’s the problem? Are thoughts more tactful not being mentioned? But if one does not communicate them but continue to pretend that they do not feel as such, does that not make us hypocrites?
The two issues I mentioned that happened here (with former mentioned friend and latter mentioned friend) with the erm, offending party (to them) - one was about being a friend, and being rejected as such only to see the offending party thanking other people profusely. It was like watching myself all over again. What I’ve learnt? Back off. Learn that not everyone can be friends. Chemistry counts. If they are mean to you, they are not worth the trouble. If they are not, but it just seems that friendship keeps getting disrupted, perhaps it’s just fate. There are times my close friends piss me off unendedly. And the same has happened vice versa. Just as Supanova.
So why is such a big deal? Perhaps because feelings have been hurt, and people don’t know it. What do we do?
I do not need to prove anything. I do not need to disprove anything.
Be yourself. Be myself. Know where you went wrong, learn, reflect, but be yourself. Improve, but do not wear a mask. Evolve, but remain true. Because, in the end… that’s what’s we have.
三月十七
Monday, March 19th, 2007The 17th of March flew by without much occasion, besides the subtle aching for a friend gone too early, and the compassion felt for another’s pain for the said gone friend. Every month’s 17th would have her in a semi-daze, no matter how cheerful she looks, you know she’s thinking of them.
And when she doesn’t, she feels guilty.
It doesn’t help that her current beau does not understand and pettily wants to be “above” him. The way to being number one in the girl’s heart is not deleting his number or restricting her friendship circle - that’s not love, that’s control - but to care and love for her so much. In her heart, he’s already uno numbero, that’s the kind of dedication she shows for her loved ones.
But if I could, then I would stop the pain inside her, stop her hurt and stop her other friends from being hurt by her boyfriend. I’ve been there, I’ve had her ex say hurtful things to me (who says men can’t be vicious), so I understand how Lyn feels.
I always feel responsible for what happened between Tribal Loner and her… pushing her into a state of confusion. I was blind and stupid and simply way too foolish, and the harm was done.
But she really loves him, despite him never really reciprocating.
Has it really been one year? Has it been a year that we have not gone drinking together, TL? Memories are sweet, ain’t they? Splashing around the pool, the sudden confiding in me your worries, laughing at me and calling me “Da Sao” that one time? Our little distant friendship did bring much laughter and fun.
Has it really been one year? One year of GAD, being lost in the confusion of my brain and fears, one year flying past and totally wasted. That is one year of my life I remember little and yet too much about.
That is one year of her life she will not forget.
