I also need a shoulder.
Would you give me one?
Archive for the ‘朋勒 Category
I need a drink.
Wednesday, May 16th, 2007Protected: tears
Wednesday, May 16th, 2007Protected: if that’s what you want, I’ll go away
Wednesday, May 2nd, 2007bits/pieces #03
Sunday, April 15th, 2007I always had this weird liking for reading while eating. In fact, I’ve been lectured many times because it’s deemed very rude. So it’s quite lucky that Monkey also likes to do that! We’re quite a sight, actually. I’ll go all the way down to Suntec from Jurong to meet him for dinner and we’ll be eating at Macs, two of us reading our own materials.
luann - “but magazines are a book!”
I have had an exciting week. Dinner with S (Methodist) on Monday with Starbucks with him and Supanova (raised a Catholic and now a Protestant after that, discussing stuff like the right pay for a pastor to how evolution and religion should or should not co-exist before Supanova sent us all back. Needless to say, the conversation was quite interesting! Tuesday saw me having drinks with my ex-client. The exchange ranged from the pay increment in Ministers’ pay, his son (he has 2 teenagers) who is turning 18, and some advise from the 22 year sales veteran.
People say that sales people need to be good talkers. I tell you, you don’t use your mouth. If you need to use your mouth, you’re doomed. A sales person needs 3 things: Ears, Eyes and Hands. Ears, because you need to listen to what they are saying; Eyes, because you need to see what they need; Hands, because you need to really carry out the tasks you have to do.
The excitment carried on on Wednesday - having dinner with xt and mandrake is never a simple affair. Not when we laugh so hard we can’t digest our food, food becomes sexual impressions, and coke goes out of my nose. Not pleasant at all. Hurhurhur. Thursday was meant for Badminton with Supanova, but we realised that we didn’t have the racquets way too late and went for a sinful dinner at Holland Village’s Katong Laksa instead. As usual we managed to over-order (or me, actually) and Friday was K-dinner night with the MS gang and Sat afternoon we went back to the same place for K-lunch with his friends.
K Box sucks. But that’s another rant for another time.
We had a Rendezvous with xt, mandrake, joelle and vainpot at Pasir Panjang Food Centre (no it’s not closed) in the evening. We are definitely going back again to eat at Lucky! Huat ah! And not at that stall you see above. this place absolutely… SUCKS. Ask any of us who went. Go Lucky instead! Huat ah! The seafood was fresh but none of the fresh seafood was served to us. At all. Down to the single clam.
Fantastic week. 
Makes up for the part-time maid smsing me “if want to do your house ironing must increase price”. But that’s another story for another time.
Ok. Whooping long post. Oh no, I am in danger of being one of those “what-I-did-on-Monday-and-Tuesday-and-Wednesday-etc” bloggers!
wait… I just did that. Oh man, I will never be able to win a Magic Pony Award!
look, you’re bleeding
Friday, April 13th, 2007For some reason, everytime I hear that familiar melody coming from his blog I am comforted. Perhaps knowing that his words always bring an understanding to me, my mind calms down. And when I’m calm… I think clearly. God speaks to me (I hope) and I manage to listen (I hope) a bit better. And when He speaks… it’s beautiful.
I do not need to prove anything. I do not need to disprove anything.
A friend asked me this morning if I had gone through a certain situation where one seems to be discriminated by another friend. I could feel her pain, but I also understood the other’s hesitation and irritation. I felt her pain - not just because I empathise, but because I have had lived through it before. Sometimes I wait. I wait for shite to come on me again, probably consequence of something I’ve done and not known. I am stupid that way. I really can’t help it. It’s like the girl that falls in love with only assholes and every minute is a replay from the previous.
The latter’s blunt knife fell on me just now, out of a simple point that I made innocently. Another friend who had “out of the blue” kenna this before had asked me if she accidentally invited it and I felt that it was a matter of opinion. Words had been used to insinuate the lack of the latter said friend but I shrugged it off. Hurt as it may, it is the internet and the internet is public. We all write blogs that are public. We cannot expect others to stop writing about us if we want the freedom to write about others too. I was mad when I read her blog, not so much as it was targetted, but more of being misunderstood. You would think that I’ve been used to being misunderstood already… but everytime it does hurt - because it comes from someone that you might hope is a friend. The latter said friend had mentioned that the offending party (to her) had once spoken meanly of me, but I don’t really care - just as long it does not impact me directly. People gossip. I’m alright with that.
But it did hurt this time. I grew angry. I started fashioning long angry retorts in my mind, wanting to push her back down, to ask her to eat her own semi self-righteous words… only that it’ll fuel more and I don’t want to deal with it.
Actually everyone talks. Even well-intentioned friends have said things that seriously hurt before. Some have mentioned stuff to others (or to me about others) that do not reflect well… but everyone rants, isn’t that? I even rant to my best friend about other friends. But rants are harmless, generally, isn’t it? So what’s the problem? Are thoughts more tactful not being mentioned? But if one does not communicate them but continue to pretend that they do not feel as such, does that not make us hypocrites?
The two issues I mentioned that happened here (with former mentioned friend and latter mentioned friend) with the erm, offending party (to them) - one was about being a friend, and being rejected as such only to see the offending party thanking other people profusely. It was like watching myself all over again. What I’ve learnt? Back off. Learn that not everyone can be friends. Chemistry counts. If they are mean to you, they are not worth the trouble. If they are not, but it just seems that friendship keeps getting disrupted, perhaps it’s just fate. There are times my close friends piss me off unendedly. And the same has happened vice versa. Just as Supanova.
So why is such a big deal? Perhaps because feelings have been hurt, and people don’t know it. What do we do?
I do not need to prove anything. I do not need to disprove anything.
Be yourself. Be myself. Know where you went wrong, learn, reflect, but be yourself. Improve, but do not wear a mask. Evolve, but remain true. Because, in the end… that’s what’s we have.
Breasts are easier to spot
Thursday, March 22nd, 2007This conversation took place during working hours.
someone: i think im moving on from a breast person to a leggy person
me: hmm
someone: i used to be an eye person leh
me: uh huh
someone: then i figured out breasts are easier to spot
me: …. =_=”’
Name has been changed to protect my safety.
all sorts of boobs
fried rice paradise
Tuesday, March 20th, 2007I was just updating my CRM for my company, when I realised that it’s been nearly 2 months (25th Jan!) since I bought Fried Rice for someone at his office after work. I haven’t done something like that for a long time then, and it was quite fun haha.
Being able to surprise my friends and make them happy - that’s a small joy I hold. That’s why I try to put in a tad more effort with birthday presents (if not, normally just ask them what they want) to get something that they will find useful or delighted about. The salesperson at the jewellery shop yesterday (as I was buying chuwen’s present) mentioned, “aww how sweet! Normally it’s the guys that do this for their girlfriends” when I started guffawing and had to explain to them who it was for and that I did this for most of my friends… just rarely with jewellery. In fact, that’s the first time I bought jewellery for a guy. I have seen it all now. *laugh*
I like to give people things, whether it’s something small and just to be nice, or something significant for an occasion… because I remember when I do receive such small gifts (like earrings out of the blue from a little chili padi), I am really really speechless (for once) and am surprised that someone would think of me like that.
A friend was mentioning to me that her colleague bought her a pack of breakfast out of the blue and left it at her desk because she was late. She was surprised and really touched. That’s what I mean. Sometimes… giving is not for the person you give to, but for yourself too. Knowing that that little something makes a little difference for at least 10 mins to someone makes my day.
Gifts that I give are not meant to be reciprocated, but if you do, you’ll be sure I’ll be thankful - not for the gift, but for the thought.
When was the last time you gave someone something? A ring, a book, a packet of food? Go on, make someone’s day. =)
三月十七
Monday, March 19th, 2007The 17th of March flew by without much occasion, besides the subtle aching for a friend gone too early, and the compassion felt for another’s pain for the said gone friend. Every month’s 17th would have her in a semi-daze, no matter how cheerful she looks, you know she’s thinking of them.
And when she doesn’t, she feels guilty.
It doesn’t help that her current beau does not understand and pettily wants to be “above” him. The way to being number one in the girl’s heart is not deleting his number or restricting her friendship circle - that’s not love, that’s control - but to care and love for her so much. In her heart, he’s already uno numbero, that’s the kind of dedication she shows for her loved ones.
But if I could, then I would stop the pain inside her, stop her hurt and stop her other friends from being hurt by her boyfriend. I’ve been there, I’ve had her ex say hurtful things to me (who says men can’t be vicious), so I understand how Lyn feels.
I always feel responsible for what happened between Tribal Loner and her… pushing her into a state of confusion. I was blind and stupid and simply way too foolish, and the harm was done.
But she really loves him, despite him never really reciprocating.
Has it really been one year? Has it been a year that we have not gone drinking together, TL? Memories are sweet, ain’t they? Splashing around the pool, the sudden confiding in me your worries, laughing at me and calling me “Da Sao” that one time? Our little distant friendship did bring much laughter and fun.
Has it really been one year? One year of GAD, being lost in the confusion of my brain and fears, one year flying past and totally wasted. That is one year of my life I remember little and yet too much about.
That is one year of her life she will not forget.
*smack head* #945034
Friday, March 16th, 2007
bits/pieces #02
Saturday, March 10th, 2007I went for lunch with LP on Thursday, and I shared a bit of his soup (just a sip, actually). After lunch I felt a bit of soreness coming up in my throat (he’s still sick), and I smsed Monkey that I think I got LP’s virus. His reply:
You mean acting cute?
I just finished my last ciggie from that pack I bought in Singapore yesterday. Somehow, as it burned shorter and shorter, I grew desperately nostalgic.
I don’t understand my mum’s point. There’s no space at home per se, we are getting along so much better, and she wants to use money as a point - which I rarely ask for. In fact, of the 3 of us, I have needed the least money from them in the last 2 years. To make it worse, my sister’s like her. A gift means I get to keep it, not that I owe her something. If that’s the point, don’t say it’s a gift!
My mother can make my innocuous request for lunch with her into something that is totally not. I don’t know why I keep trying - I try to earn my keep, I try to keep contact, I run errands for them, and still I’m beneath the others. Fuck.
I need a fag.
