it’s 12.30am. I’m absolutely fucking good at making myself miserable. glad to know I haven’t lost my touch.
I’ve finished washing my pantry. But for some reason there’s cat pee/shit smell lingering in the air. I’ve gone around inspecting crevices but I cannot find. I’m too tired to do anything. I desperately want a part time maid but it’s hard getting one without an agency. Anyways, this post serves as a notice: to everyone out there, my house is out-of-bounds. For mahjong, for gathering, for everything. Because you people keep complaining it’s smelly and dirty. Yes it is. I am not denying it. So please keep away from my house. Dinner parties are hosted at the bbq pit near the clubhouse, so it’s not counted, because it’s not in my house per se.
I’m fucking tired. Tired of everything single fucking thing. And all I wanted is a stupid little cuddle. Not that it’ll help. I have the tendency to shoot myself in my foot. He did offer to come over. I don’t like to ask people to do what they don’t want to do, that’s why. What you must understand is I don’t blame them for it. Why should I? There’s nothing to blame. I’m also going to stop whining because it doesn’t make any difference and it’s fucking irritated.
I haven’t gone for a meaningless midnight walk for a long time. Just me and the air and an empty head, not wanting to think of anything just for a while, and not feeling guilty.