I know I must have blogged about this a million times.
But after so long, I know not what my heart feels. Doubt and a whole hoard of questions swarm me, and I worry making the wrong decision. Do I, or do I not? Is it just lip service? Do I feel it? Can I feel it? Can I feel anything? The irrationality overwhelms me, I question myself to no avail. Some say, aiyoh, now is just shallow only.. how come think so much? I know. I’m paranoid and distrusting of myself I guess. But I do enjoy the interaction. I just hope it’s not all I enjoy: the smses, the smiles, the little comments across the group that only the both of us pick up.
I was fucked up for a while a few months back. I was fucked up for a long while a few years back. I’m starting to think singlehood is good, besides the occasional emptyness when your friends are all cooing in pairs or cold nights where snuggling makes it perfect. But I refuse to pass ‘judgement’ like that – it must come from the heart, any emotion and decision. However, I hate it when L.O.V.E. turns and screw me from the back.
I know that it might not amount to anything, but just to satiate me… at the risk of losing it all.. is it 无底洞 for you? I actually hope not, but please think it through.
Are you fond of me for me?
Or do you like me just because I’m there.
Am I an oasis or a mirage?