Friend, I don’t know if you’re reading this. I’m probably not the 1st 100 people you’ll think of when you’re hurting, but that’s ok with me. If you know me as I am, I’m just content to be there, far away where you’ll be comfortable with, praying for you.
I read in your blog that you’re hurt, you’re seeing someone near to your heart down, and that probably affects you as well. In the midst of the emotional whirlpool, you’re seeking where you should be in God’s Kingdom, and then there’s also the coming academic and career related decisions to make on the horizon. In all of these, I sense a heart, trying to move forward, move backwards, move up, move down, stay still, not really knowing what to do, but knowing precisely what you must do and such.
Friend, I’m not going to say, give it all to God and all your problems will be solved, because I know what implications are usually there when it’s about the heart. But I’m saying, give your hurt and pain and worries to Him… it may not elevate the anxiety and slight blues you have within because we’re all human, but give it to Him, because only in our broken-ness can He complete us.
I remember a certain Thursday CG at Fairfield when I, feeling rather dandy and happy actually, felt Him telling me to kneel. I was not compelled to kneel, and I was puzzled as to why, but bowed in His Greatness, and then I started weeping as the CG continued to sing “Eagles’ Wings”. I went on sobbing, feeling extremely sad but extremely puzzled, because I didn’t know why I was sad. I started to question myself and Jesus, why, why am I feeling this way? Tell me, so I can dwell and pray on it. But it didn’t come, and I started dissecting my life, in the midst of the weeping. I felt that I needed to lay prostrate, and kowtowed down to His Greatness.
He told me that He was no longer number 1 in my life.
I had allowed my own worries about my knee and ankles to take a life of their own, using my own abilities to settle problems and praying and being a christian only when I needed to.
That night of crying, kneeling head down on the floor, ignoring the pain in my lower limb joints is one night that I want to remember as one of the nights that changed my life. We can forget God, even when we are doing very “Godly” things like Shepherding, P&W, etc.
I don’t know why I brought this up, but I know I had to.
Friend, just remember, when you feel so alone, or when you feel that a certain hope has been used to its end or when it seems just so blue, that He’s here, your CG is there for you, your other brothers are praying for you, and that there’ll always be sisters like me whom may not keep in constant contact with you but is praying for you always. Friends forever, even if we don’t talk much.
1 Thessalonians 5:12-24
Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else. Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not put out the Spirit’s fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil.
May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.
No one loves me like You do – Jars of Clay
Collapsing was much softer/Still falling always hurt/Only after sensing your love /For always ever burned
You justified my folly/My affluent disguise/Removed revealing nothing/Yet nothing unforgiven lies/Unforgiven lies
No one loves me like you/No one loves me the way you do/No one loves me like you/No one loves me the way, the way that you do
To touch the rose unfearful/Is to meet the thorn/And pierce the heart’s emotion/And feel the emptiness no more/Emptiness no more
Took some time to realize I’ve fallen