anyone of you.

Someone commented that I seem very close to certain guys. Well, I admit. These are all my close male friends. It’s like this: when you’re a friend, your gender in my profile book is neither M nor F.. it’ll be “Friend.” ie I never take into account whether you’re male or female, you’re just my friend. Is that so hard to ascertain?

I am the living proof that platonic friendships work: The Faithful Non-Boyfriend and I have been friends ever out of JC. Well there were one year or two that we slipped out of contact. Now that we’re older, hopefully wiser, we still love each other the same way – as friends. Supanova is another proof. In fact, in that game of friendster, it’s his testimony that I like the most: “I told this girl b4 why not she be more “nicey and sweety” then kena wack up down left right front back. You are very stubborn leh, seldom see you in a stable condition (this girl like to act siao one). Wah, quite negative hor?”

Why can’t friends stay genderless? No, none of these are friends just because we didn’t work out or he don’t like me or I don’t like him. Why should BGR be in the equation long before friendship is? If you treat me like that, whether you’re a male or female, the effect on me is the same.

If you read my previous posts, you will realise that I can get upset when a friend is upset with me. I’m not those kind of persons where I can delibrately go hurt someone, and if I know I have to do something that might cause some upset, I’ll always be in a dilemma. I’ve gone through a lot of shit, I’ve always been kinda of a social misfit – socially stupid. So these few friends of mine, if one of them suddenly withdraws away, of course I’ll get hurt. All I want is to stay by your side as a friend/sister and be there for you all I can. I would rather be your abused listening ear than anything, for us to hang out because we enjoy each other’s company, for me to be able to know your pain and struggles and you mine so we can pray and comfort each other.

Where does gender come in? footnote 1

But I try to justify – Supanova’s now attached, and his priority is with his girl. Of course I understand. But sometimes, it does irritate me if he tells me that he rather watch tv than to meet me.. On one hand, I understand he needs his own time. On the other hand, he’s wasn’t even sharing about his life and stuff to me. I’ve said it before – it’s one thing to be busy, it’s another to ignore.

Now, I understand some people are REALLY actually busy. And I can only be sorry that I can’t be one of their priorities of their lives, I know my own standing. I am just but a fly in this large social garbage bin. But you don’t have to spend all your time with me. It’s not always about the time spent outside. It’s about the “data” exchanged – not just the mere information.

And/But whether you know it or you don’t, I’m always here for you. You only have to ask.

Any of you. All of you. Each one close to my heart has its own space.

anyone of you.

footnote 1: I am not disputing that gender has its usage or purpose.. I’m saying in this context. Read it within context. And if I have to define context, you’re not paying attention.

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2 Responses to anyone of you.

  1. draco_malfoy!!!! says:

    Hey, Lee. Thanks for sharing your emotions here. Really wanna affirm you for being so forthright about how you feel and your emotional conflicts with friends. Relationships between human beings are complex connections (arrgh… the Computer Sci streak in me acting up :-P ), and people do change in their priorities according to their circumstances. But friendship will always be strong if it is genuine. And I’m sure many people around you have accepted you socially and personally. Don’t be so despondent and quick to dismiss yourself in your friendships. Stay funky and do not let your own misperceptions bring you down. Will keep you in prayers. We all love you, sis. =)

    p.s.: By the way, how’s the little kitten? I don’t think my family wants to keep one at the moment => my dad is not too keen. :P

  2. The Rational Neurotic says:

    the kitten will be out on the streets if someone doesn’t take it in.. I really can’t.. http://sideasideb.blogspot.com/2005/10/hello-kitty.html

    I didn’t realise that it seemed negative. Actually it was just something that all my friends know already, but I just wanted to state it out clearly in case someone misunderstood.. I’m fine, no =) doesn’t mean it’s =(. heh.

    Thanks for the concern. Appreciate it.

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