I got this a long long time back, just didn’t have the strength to edit and post it.. lazy me I guess. It was done quite a long long time ago.
Love vs. Honor is your primary Love Story
Love vs. Honor is the most dramatic love story of all — defined by an innate tug of war between what you want to do and what you should do. There is something coming between you and love. Perhaps it’s a religious conviction, a previous commitment, family, patriotic duty, or deep belief that good things only come at a terrible price.
If you’re looking for examples you can start back with the Greek myths where heroes were often forced to give up love and the comforts of home for battles in far-off lands. In Charles Dickens’ “Great Expectations,” Estella chooses to obey her benefactress and break Pip’s heart, even though she deeply regrets doing so. Political obligations and previous relationships tear Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman apart in the unforgettable film, “Casablanca.”
In your love story, you find your soul mate, only to discover you can’t be together unless you give up something precious, or jeopardize other relationships or ideals that are important to you. The decision itself is at the heart of your story. How do you choose? If this is your one chance at true love, can anything be worth giving it up? Can you enjoy love knowing you’ve betrayed something dear to you to achieve it? Or will the love be stronger for your sacrifice? This love story is about confronting your values and life choices. It’s about reevaluating what’s important to you and choosing to remain on the same path or move in a new direction.
If you’ve devoted yourself to long-term academic study or a consuming career that demands longevity in order to succeed — careers like medicine, law, business — you might feel you’re letting yourself down if you throw yourself off-track with a relationship. Do you have a family member for whom choice of religion, career, or social position is a really big deal? Are you afraid to disappoint them if your partner doesn’t match the mold?
In the movie, “The End of the Affair,” Julianne Moore plays a woman who makes a pact with God to stop cheating on her husband if her lover survives a terrible injury. When he lives, she’s forced to keep her promise, breaking both their hearts in the process. All relationships, at some point or another, require sacrifices. These painful decisions are familiar to everyone. No wonder it’s so easy to relate to this story’s historical, literary, and cinematic counterparts. You’re living it!
What your love story says about you and your relationships
You’ve got a heart of gold, which is why you might find yourself torn in different directions when it comes to matters of love. You know how glorious a true love can feel — the sense that nothing else in the world matters — that is, until you realize that there are other things in the world that matter, that people are relying on you for. While you can enjoy the thrills of a true and deep love, you may also find yourself confronted with larger decisions about whether or not you can keep the love that lights your spirit. Your belief that love requires deep sacrifice can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. You might enter into relationships believing they’re doomed to fail. In fact, some people who share your story enjoy the dramatic twist your difficult decisions provide.
You have many obligations outside of your love life. You may be extremely devoted to your career or a political cause. Maybe your set of friends demands a lot of your time. You may be a single parent who doesn’t want to take time away from the children, even if it means being alone. Do you feel like you’re expected to be successful? To come through for people? Perhaps you’re going through a difficult mid-life crisis kind of reevaluation and are feeling bogged down in adult responsibilities. A wide variety of life experiences have contributed to your love story.
In relationships, you apply yourself with the same fervor and devotion you give to everything else in your life. You may pull away from friends or commitments when you first get involved with someone. You may love the sensation of being swept off your feet, even though you come to regret it later. On the other hand, you may avoid passionate romance altogether, opting for casual affairs over intense relationships.
Your love story is about the challenge of figuring out what’s truly important to you. You may be questioning deeply held beliefs, experimenting with your look, or entering a new phase in life. Having to choose between someone and something forces you to look at who you are, what you really want. Once the initial turmoil ends, the choice will be clearer. Understanding your love story and the role it plays in your life is the beginning step in this process of self-discovery. Whether you choose to follow your love story or move beyond it, you’ll emerge stronger for having put yourself to the test.
How to avoid mistakes
Decisions in matters of love are always hard, but you have the strength to make the right ones. If you’ve been hurt recently or fear commitment for some other reason, it will be tempting to place things between you and a happy relationship. You believe in soul mates, and you’re waiting for yours. Maybe you don’t believe yours will ever arrive, so you cut off any chance for disappointment. Do you like to be in control? Maybe you’re using your commitments to keep the upper hand in the relationship.
It’s okay to be picky about who you give your heart to. It’s your heart, after all. Go ahead! Use your love story to your advantage. Say no to the suitor who isn’t quite right if you know that ultimately you won’t be able to grow into the relationship you truly want. Just make sure you’re basing your decisions on reality, not a lofty fairy-tale idea of how you want to live your happily ever after.
You understand what is truly important to you, so you’re not likely to waste your time on a bad relationship. While your guilt may pick at you now and then, you will eventually realize that you’ve made the right decisions and are sure to be all the happier for them.
How to recognize a relationship that’s good for you
You’ve weighed the pros and cons. Gone over all the other options. You’ve discussed it with the proper people. And it’s clear: you’ve met the one. You don’t come to love lightly. You might prefer friendship first, passion later. A healthy relationship for you is one you know you can commit to.
A good partner is one who sweeps you off your feet, then offers to babysit your kids, like Erin Brockovich’s beau, who kept her life in order and her kids fed while she went out to fight the bad guys. Yours brings dinner and candles to your office when you work late. He gives you a thumbs up as you’re dashing to make your flight. Your partner is supportive, but also gives you space while helping out. Or your significant other shares your passions and commitments. You both love hiking and the being outdoors. You both have kids from previous relationships. You’re both workaholics. You’re both dedicated slackers. You may share many things in common, or just one big thing.
However you choose to interact with your love story, it’s clear that you’re a passionate, caring person. You have many good qualities, and people admire you. When you do find that soul mate, you should be able to give your all and receive all in kind.
Love Conquers All is your secondary Love Story
At its core, the Love Conquers All story is very romantic, triumphant, and full of courage to face yourself with honesty. The catalyst for change in your love story is usually a pivotal event, circumstance, or reevaluation of yourself.
Where should you look for these pivotal moments? Challenges may come from family and society — even yourself. Do loved ones disapprove of your partner, raise concerns you hadn’t previously cared that much about? Turning points may also stem from previous obligations at work, or in promises you’ve made to others. Do you reschedule or delay plans with your partner because you feel the need to honor responsibilities at the office? Do you prioritize taking care of a friend in need over the needs of your mate?
These themes are echoed throughout history and recorded in diaries, novels, television and films. In Jane Austin’s novel “Emma” for example, the protagonist put everybody else’s romantic needs before her own. Had she not stopped to question herself, she would have missed a chance for love altogether. Was she just looking after her friends? Or was she guarding herself from the potential hurt of a relationship or unrequited love?
Ambition to be loyal to loved ones, move ahead at work, improve your home, see the world — these are all good things. But sometimes, they take precedence over your love life — whether you are conscious of it or not. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but think about it. Are you ever afraid of being held back from your goals? Or that a relationship might make attaining those goals a slower process, or change them completely?
Remember Nicolas Cage in the film “Family Man”? Through a strange twist of fate, he’s given the opportunity to see life as it might have been had he gotten married instead of pursued successes at work. Though fantastical and magical, he experiences a jarring event, and through it, realizes he has different priorities. He would give up his important job and expensive belongings to be with the one woman he realizes he truly loves. And he realizes that his initial choice to pursue his career instead of pursue his relationship was driven not by his hopes for success, but his fear of taking on the seriousness of his relationship. With this insight, he has the courage to face himself, not preexisting hopes and goals.
Even if fate doesn’t throw obstacles in your way, it’s possible that you do. Do you shy away from romantic commitments? Do you make excuses for not dating? Do you wish your relationships never progressed passed the lovey-dovey stage? Are the people you date “all wrong” for you? There’s a reason you’re holding back from pursuing a good thing. You may put excuses between you and another person, or you may intentionally pick the wrong person to give you an out, an alternative to getting serious. The real courage in your love story comes from taking a good look at yourself, and questioning your motivations.
Once you recognize this as your story, you will indeed have the courage and the insight to question yourself and make a commitment, or break with someone before external events force you to. In this manner, Courage is one of the most noble and truthful love stories out there.
In “Notting Hill,” Julia Roberts plays a movie star whose career (not to mention awful boyfriend) get in the way of a fledgling romance with a London bookseller (Hugh Grant). In “Autumn in New York,” a cheating playboy played by Richard Gere finds himself in love with a dying 22-year-old. Will he mend his ways before it’s too late? The love story that drives these plots is the same that drives your fantasies and relationships, which is why these stories can be so powerful. Of course, in the movies it’s always clear just whom the lead person should hook up with. In real life, it’s quite a bit harder. Love Conquers All, and now you’re equipped to find it.
How your love story affects you and your relationships
Whether you realize it or not, you might be slightly at odds with yourself when it comes to matters of love. On the one hand, you might be ready for the love of your life. On the other hand, you might want to protect yourself from a potential hurt should that love not work out. Do you view love suspiciously at times? Avoid the traditional trappings of romance — flowers, chocolates, and Valentine’s Day? Perhaps you’ve had your heart broken one too many times, or you so desperately want a true love, that you are almost afraid of failing on your way to it.
At times, you can be fiercely independent. Though, painful memories of a past relationship, or aspirations to success in other areas of your life, can sometimes make you less of a risk-taker in the land of love. Do you have tunnel vision unless a dramatic event grabs your attention? Maybe you equate settling down with the right person as a one-way ticket to the retirement community. You may avoid relationships altogether, or you may prefer to keep them casual. Do you have a reputation for being a player? Do you date lots of people at once, preventing any one relationship from going too far? Or do you tend to make excuses when it comes to romance, placing work or other obligations in between you and a potential lover?
On one level, your love story is driven by an underlying faith that “the one” is out there waiting for you. On another level, you might not want to search for it because you don’t want to fail in finding it. Whatever the basis, fear probably contributes to your story, whether fear of commitment, fear of settling down, fear of rejection, or fear of what other people may think. If your partner comes from a different background – social, ethnic, economic, you might be afraid to introduce friends to him.
Fortunately, love is stronger than whatever challenges you might face. Though you may subconsciously sabotage aspects of a relationship to protect yourself, love will likely prove stronger. When given the choice to walk away or take a chance with a soul mate, you will take the chance when it is right. And remember, you are not bound to this love story. Once you understand it and the role it plays in your life, you can make the most of it, or you can decide it’s no longer working for you and that it’s time to move on.
How to avoid common mistakes
Love could be staring you in the face, and you might not even see it. The biggest pitfall for you is letting your issues get in the way of a good thing. You need to expand your vision and consider the big picture. If some experience or situation has soured you on love, or has made it too unbearably perfect to stand, it’s time to address it! Confidence in yourself and optimism in the future will keep you from missing out on something truly special.
It’s okay to have standards and rules, but make sure you haven’t built a fortress around yourself. Our values change as we grow older. When’s the last time you rethought the direction you’re heading in life? Revaluate what’s most important to you — not to others, not to the dreams you had when you were 15 or 20 or 31 — what’s important to you now, at this moment, at this age? Don’t be afraid to change the priorities in your life. You don’t get points for following previous life dreams if they no longer represent your current hopes and desires.
How to recognize someone who’s right for you
Romance for you begins with a sudden, unexpected rush. It’s probably a gut feeling you have about someone that you subsequently squelch or question. Maybe the person is your opposite, which is why his contrasting characteristics jar you into noticing him. Or perhaps you share such a strong, common, interest, you can’t believe he’s finally arrived after all of these years.
Someone who’s right for you will probably show up unexpectedly, but the surprise will get your attention. Once you’re looking, prepare to be impressed. Did you realize your quiet colleague was also an accomplished musician? Has it suddenly dawned on you that your best friend is attracted to you? You have more fun with your dentist than anyone you’ve met in ages. Your next-door neighbor cooks like a four-star chef. Who knew?
Of course, you won’t see anyone who’s right for you, if you’re not looking. So lose the shades! If you’re dating multiple people at once, why not whittle it down to the one who really interests you? Maybe you should be single for awhile. That might make it easier for someone to approach you. Haven’t dated in a year? It’s time to figure out why. Look at how you’re spending your time. Is one area of your life taking up more than its fair share? Maybe you’ve met someone you want to be with, but there’s some obstacle between the two of you. This will be a true test of your devotion. Overcome it, and you’ll form a deeper bond.
It’s okay to be picky! Maybe your reluctance has protected you from bad mistakes, but maybe it’s prevented you from seeing a true love standing right in front of your face. Now that you understand your love story, you’re equipped with knowledge that can keep you from missing a good opportunity. You can take charge of your love story and make it work for you, or move on. Whatever you decide, your independence and courage will take you far in life and in love. Indeed, in your happy ending, Love Conquers All.
Writing your Own Script for Happiness
While the stories are universal, your specific experiences within them are not. Use your primary love stories to map out where you’ve been, and where you want to go. Take an honest look at your past relationships.
Want to make your self-analysis seem more real? Then write down the characteristics you share with your love stories. Ask a friend who has known you through a number of relationships to help you identify patterns you don’t see because they are too close to you still.
Finally, be truthful with yourself. Have the courage to face what you really want in life. But before you allow yourself to default to the aspirations you had 5 years ago, figure out if your goals have changed. When you see the patterns emerging on paper in front of you, you can make a conscious decision to continue with a given love story, or to change direction. If you are brave enough to face your desires, and are honest enough to share those dreams with your partner, you are well on your way to something you’ve been waiting for your entire life — true love.
You create your own destiny. Knowing what you love story is gives you the power to embrace it or move on. And ultimately, knowing your love story will allow you to more fully enjoy the most amazing of human relationships — love.
The Other Love Stories and How They Affect Us
Now you know how your primary and secondary love stories have played out in your life. But at some point, you’re sure to be affected by all the love stories in one way or another. That’s because the elements of these tales are universal — and the traits of one story, are not always so far from the characteristics of another.
As circumstances surrounding your relationships change, you may start to see shades of the remaining stories as they bleed into your life. With that in mind, here they are, ranked in order of how influential they currently are to you. Once you understand them, you can recognize their hold on you, and make a conscious decision to stick with them, or break away.
The Second Chances love story is rooted in nostalgia. Whether you’re longing for the ex you haven’t seen in a year, or are reminiscing about the crush you never connected with 10 years ago, this kind of searching is indicative of more than dissatisfaction with your current romantic relationships.
Whether you do it consciously or not, most people who migrate towards the Second Chances love story either want to revise a past decision, confront someone you couldn’t at the time, or revert back to a specific point in time. Do you ever wish you could return to a different period in your life?
This story is repeated more times than you could imagine. Take the film “Peggy Sue Got Married,” for instance. In it, a housewife faints at her high school reunion and wakes up in her senior year at high school with the chance to change her destiny. The root of your story too, may arise from these feelings, that you need to reconnect with a time in your life when love was a larger focus of your life and responsibilities were much fewer. But it also might stem from other things as well.
You scored a 7 on the Second Chances story:
Rags to Riches
Cinderella is the archetype of your Rags to Riches love story, a story that’s been retold throughout history in books, movies, poems, and songs. For you, love is more important than expectations, stereotypes and what other people think is good for you. People with the strength of character to pursue their loves despite obstacles and adversity, thrive in this story.
Ah, the American Dream of self-determination. It’s the stuff from which true fairytales are made. Your story is about getting your due. Have you or your partner been discriminated against? Have people done their best to keep you apart? Once your surpass society’s rules, you and your partner can escape to a happier place your former detractors can only envy. For beyond the initial disapproval of your pairing, is a realization that you were bold enough to pursue a dream, something others don’t have the courage to do.
Somewhere in your love story, you dream of waltzing into another world and proving once and for all that you’ve got the right stuff, talent and intelligence to belong there. Are you ambitious? Do you seek success, fame and basic recognition for your accomplishments? Yours is really the dream of getting your due — a pretty familiar theme. In the film “Pretty in Pink”, Molly Ringwald wins the heart of the rich preppy, while in the movie “16 Candles”, tough-guy Judd Nelson craves the attention of pretty girl Ringwald.
You scored a 5 on the Rags to Riches story:
The love story that grips you, Romantic Rescue, uses love to give better meaning and significance to your life. Love, in your story, is all-powerful. It is the catalyst to change yourself, help your partner become the person you want them to be, and show the world what you are made of. Some people put themselves in the role of hero in this love story — nursing an ailing partner back to health, saving him from a string of previously destructive relationships, maybe even saving him from a physical danger. Other people with whom you share this story cast themselves as those in need of rescue – relying on their partners to swoop in and save them from whatever ill-fate’s been visited upon them, either real or imagined.
In your love story, actions speak almost louder than words. The more present you are to your partner, or he to you, the stronger and faster your bond can develop. The image of one partner as caregiver and the other as recipient of that care, sets up an immediate give-and-take relationship, one that makes your union seem all the more magical.
It also sets up one of the parties as a savior. Though perhaps not as epic as seen in the characters in novels or films, this is significant nonetheless. In Hemingway’s tragic love story, “Farewell to Arms,” an injured soldier is nurtured back to health and into a blissful romance by a kindly nurse. Not long after, she’s the one at death’s door. In “Run Lola Run,” a woman has twenty minutes to come up with a large amount of money to save her boyfriend’s life. How far she goes to obtain it is a measure of her devotion or delusion.
You scored a 5 on the Romantic Rescue story:
The Establishing Independence love story that grips you begins with desire — not only for someone different, but for exciting life changes, as well. Whether you’re looking to grow away from a current relationship, move towards another relationship, or simply develop a new sense of who you are, look for a shift in what you pursue and how you define yourself relative to other people.
These transformations come in the package of another person, perhaps a soul mate but more likely someone you’ve selected not because of his potential, but for the qualities he possesses as different from those you are accustomed to.
Just as young Juliet escaped an arranged marriage by attaching herself to Romeo, people often establish a separate identity for themselves by dating people who are very different from their parents, or their last loves. If you come from a conservative coat and tie family, maybe a James Dean rebel is the best way to go. If you’re tied to people who are defiantly liberal, you might seek out someone who will help you experiment with more conservative ideas.
You scored a 3 on the Establishing Independence story:
Loving Too Much
The Loving Too Much story stems from your overflowing love and hope. Sometimes, however, it can be muddied by misguided feelings, expectations and sometimes, an unrequited desire.
The people you’re most attracted to are usually just out of reach and all the more alluring for it — like those early crushes on teen idols. The less available your partner is, emotionally and physically, the more desirable he becomes.
You daydream, and your imagination fills in the details that reality hasn’t provided. Do you ever seek out indirect contact with this person, visiting his workplace or getting to know his friends? Do you find yourself dreaming about marriage after a second date, or perhaps after a quick affair? The hit film “Fatal Attraction” illustrates an extreme version of the Loving Too Much story — taking it to abnormal levels. What it doesn’t fully explore is the capacity for love that you probably possess.
You scored a 3 on the Loving Too Much story:
The Mentor and the Protégé
The Mentor and the Protégé is a love story about more than love for love’s sake. In it, love grows out of a deeper need to learn and understand other aspects of your love through the teaching’s of someone else. Love isn’t the only thing you’re after. You want power, success, attention, maybe even fame. You want to be recognized, doted on, and adored for your talents. And the object of your desire is the person best suited to provide you with these things — a boss, a mentor, a teacher, or a troubled genius.
This archetypal story is the basis of many great tales of love — usually involving an older man falling for a younger woman. Hamlet flirted with his mother. Jane Eyre fell for her stern, older boss. Jackson Pollock married a less-accomplished painter.
You scored a 3 on the The Mentor and the Protégé story:
Love is a Universal Theme
Another great, cross-cultural theme is that of love. It is constant, as is how it plays out in people’s lives. Want to know about how you love? What your relationships say about you? How you find yourself in relationships at all? Then take a look around you. Though specific details about how you met someone, what they’re like, and what you’re like together are unique, there are 8 main themes that help explain some of the overarching elements of any romantic relationship.
Have you ever identified with a friend who’s embarked on a relationship similar to one you’ve experienced? Do you wonder why you identify so strongly with the heroines in some movies or books over others? That’s probably because no matter where you come from, no matter what your background, your relationships, current and past, can be mapped to the same 8 themes of love that have ruled people since the beginning of time. They’re stories you can see in the bible, you can see in history, and you can see all around you played out by friends, families and yourself.
By recognizing the elements of the story, placing your specific details into the template, you can better understand your own love story, and can determine whether it is a good story for you to pursue at any point in time. After looking at research, and thinking a lot about relationship issues, we created this test for you.
Love does indeed, make the world go ’round. And your love story is more universal than you think.
What Love Does to Us
The human being is the most rational creature on the planet. It is our ability to reason that raises us to the highest level of the animal kingdom. The human in love, however, is a different beast altogether.
Whether it’s locking your keys in your car, singing in public or talking to yourself in the mirror, we all agree that love makes man and womankind do some pretty unusual things. Unfortunately it can also cause us to act against our best interest, something we intelligent creatures are not used to doing. Staying in a relationship passed our welcome, getting into relationships with the wrong people, we’ve all experienced that at one point or another.
So, if love does cause a kind of short circuit in our ability to reason, how can we enjoy the thrilling freefall of an affair without crash landing in enemy territory? There must be a way to bridge the gap between our wildest desires and our better interests.
Love on the Brain
Most of us like to keep the division of labor well defined when it comes to the internal workings of love. The heart handles emotional matters while the brain is responsible for remembering his phone number and keeping your tongue in line when he sits down next to you. But let’s get realistic; the heart is really just a feisty little muscle that pumps blood. It’s the brain that runs the show.
The Alligator, the Gorilla and the Computer
Since the early 1950′s, scientists studying the human brain have theorized that there may be more than one command center in our heads. These experts believe that the brain found in modern man’s cranium is really three brains in one.
The most primitive part of our brain resembles that of a reptile, controlling all the basic functions of the body — heartbeat, breathing pattern, survival instincts, etc. The next lobe of the brain is called the limbic region found only in mammals. It is here that the pain and pleasure centers live. The limbic region controls how we feel, our current moods and “emotional memory.” Finally, the neo-cortex, or rational mind, comprises the third lobe of the brain. Unique to humans, the neo-cortex processes all the signals from our five senses — smell, sight, taste, touch and sound. It also is in charge of our reasoning and opinions much like a super-computer crunches numbers.
Why Love Trumps Reason
No information can reach the rational part of your brain without first passing through the limbic region. Therefore this passion center of the brain has the power to control rational thought and color it with emotional hues when confronted with extreme situations like love or danger.
What people refer as love at first sight or the excitement of a new relationship is really the release of hormones and endorphins triggered by the limbic region of the brain without permission of the neo-cortex. It is an emotional hijacking of the rational brain and it feels strange, wonderful and crazy all at once.
Well, this is it. I actually formatted it for size. I know that it’s really really long *laugh* and this ain’t the full version!
It’s late! and my ass is going to get so fried tomorrow. Sighhhh…